I had a text document on my desktop that I had apparently been using as a running journal or something. Here's most of what was in it to those who for some reason find themselves interested!


June 19 2009
All I really need is like a 25 on the exam and I'll get a C in the class, but for some reason I desire an A. Damn American school system stresses being the best of the best; not just beating the system but beating every other person who's a part of that system. Sitting outside of exam rooms here (and getting there like two hours early, which is probably also something I do due to Wake) and running into people I know, they all talk about the least they have to do to pass the class. It's all about passing, not being the best. I wish I could be so damn chill. Every aspect of this country is chill! Why are we so competitive? Does it go back to the whole individualistic/collectivist societal difference? Whooooooooo knows, man. All I know is that I'd really rather not be doing this. And that in the future I will look back and have no recollection of anything I am currently studying, nor will I remember the pain I went through studying for it. And I don't know if that's depressing to think about, or uplifting.

I wonder what I'll do with this here blog after I leave New Zealand...maybe I'll turn it into a log of what Beamer eats in a day. You know, like "Today, Beamer ate nails for breakfast." "Today, Beamer ate three used tissues, threw up, and then ate that. I am beginning to think that he's not all that smart, and that he can't actually talk even though Michael assures me that he can, but only to him."

I just saw horse fucking on TV in a commercial advertising a candy bar.

June 13 2009
I miss Flinstones Push-pops.



FOB = Fresh off the Boat
When Dave went to Miami, everybody thought he was a Mexican. That's funny. (He's Maori)


10th of May
7:48am
Fat homeless man.
Pigeon with a limp.
Prostitutes coming or going from business. Not really sure.
Downtown Auckland's no different from downtown anywhere.

I wonder if the reason we do things is because other people did them before us. We get all dressed up and go out and drink at this age because when people before us were our age, they did the same thing. It's just a cycle. I didn't make a conscious decision to go to college, it was just the next stage in life after finishing high school. I feel like Tyler Durden calling home to his dad once a year and asking what to do next. And gettin' all dolled up is just another step. So I wonder who started it?
So I was thinking about this and then realized that you could do the same thing for God. Those who believe do so because others before them believed, and I feel that if you trace it all the way back to the beginning, to the first person or group of people that first believed in a/any god, it was a belief born out of ignorance and fear. And that's not a bad thing.

Feel free to call me a heathen.